Today was week three of my MBSR class. Honestly, it’s getting a lot better. I’m enjoying my practice and feel like I’m finally learning how to slow down throughout my day. For the most part, the people are great and provide some interesting and emotional discussion. My weekly word last week was acceptance and this week it’s trust. Perfect!
Learning to trust one’s own experience, feelings, and intuition – loosening oneself from the tyranny of authority and inner harsh judgement – has the “taste of freedom”.
I decided to weigh myself this morning. Let me take a quick second to help you understand how much I dislike getting on the scale. The word hate is a very strong word; I do my best not to hate anything, but I absolutely hate getting on a scale. I also hate going to the doctor’s office because they make you get on a scale. When I looked down this morning and saw the number 155.2, I was slightly disappointed. I’ve been hovering between 155 pounds and 157 pounds since August. At least I’m not gaining weight, right?
Here’s what I decided this morning, it’s no longer about the scale. That’s right! It’s time that I stop worrying about what the number on the scale says. It’s not about fitting into a certain jean size (by the way, I read awhile back that the average US woman is a size 16). It’s not about having a thigh gap. And it’s definitely not about having a six-pack of abs, I gave up on that one a long time ago. Trust me, my high school soccer coach had us do plenty of ab circuits and P90X, we never got “six packs by prom”. It’s not necessarily about looking healthy and fit, but feeling healthy and fit.
It’s about finding joy in the things that I couldn’t do before. It’s about having the will power to pass Panera Bread, I pass one every day on my way to and from work, without stopping to buy a hot chocolate (even if it is vegan). It’s about being able to walk up the 0.6 mile hill from my apartment to my job without breaking a sweat. It’s about climbing six sets of stairs to visit a colleague in our career center without being winded. It’s about being able to run one more mile today than I did yesterday. The scale is not a dictionary. If doing these things helps me shed a few pounds then great, but I will no longer let the scale define me.
I need to loosen up and stop putting so much pressure on myself for trying to fit the insane ideal image that media has created. I need to stop judging myself every time I look in the mirror. I need to wear more shorts and dresses, show my curves with confidence. I need to start trusting my body. If I continue to stay active and nourish it with the proper nutrients, I’ll start to see results both internally and externally. And I need to embrace my imperfections because they make me unique and beautiful.