A Heart That’s Broke is A Heart That’s Been Loved

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I’ve been listening to Ed Sheeran’s new album Divide at least once a day, sometimes multiple times a day. I’ve definitely been rocking out to it in my cubicle a lot this week. I really like music, love it actually. Music communicates all of the words and feelings that I’m too afraid to say. And Divide says everything and so much more. I’m a big fan of Dive, Galway Girl, and Happier. My absolute favorite is probably Supermarket Flowers; it’s beautiful, raw, and very personal. And the meaning behind the ballad just makes my heart melt. The track is a tribute to his late grandmother who passed away before the album was released. Seriously, where are the tissues?

My grandparents have a very special place in my heart, all six of them. That’s right, SIX. Most people don’t have the opportunity to even meet three or four, but due to a few divorces I’ve been able to gain two more along the way. Each of them has their own identity – Granny, JP, Grandma, Grandpa, Grandpa Eric, and Mr. Ted – and each of us has our own unique relationship, some a little stronger than others. They’ve taught me how to play dominoes and how to make homemade lasagna. They’ve hosted many taco Tuesdays for my brother and I after school. They’ve taken me to father daughter dances. They’ve been my chauffeurs, my movie buddies, and my amazing friends.

So you can only imagine my reaction after driving three and a half hours back home to find Grandpa lying on his bedroom floor, unable to get up. He didn’t know how he got there, how long he had been there, and couldn’t communicate his thoughts clearly. I’ve never had to lift, feed, dress, and drive a 74 year-old man to the emergency room. That feeling of panic and uncertainty is something that I don’t wish on anyone. I tell you what though, God is good because He got me there right on time.

My mom and I have been at the hospital all afternoon, we’re still here. This wasn’t how I planned on spending my time at home, but I’m grateful for it. We’ve laughed, argued, and watched some interesting TV shows together. I’ve learned more about Grandpa and his health than I ever wanted to know, but I’m prepared if something like this happens again. He’s allergic to penicillin.  Blood pressure has to be taken on his left arm because his right arm has terrible paralysis. If they can’t find a vein in his left hand, IVs must be done in his neck. In the future, we can dissolve his potassium pills in juice if they’re too large to swallow. The list goes on.

Walking around the hospital, there were so many patients who didn’t have any visitors, especially those in the emergency room. The older gentleman next door to us had pneumonia, his family left without saying goodbye. How can someone leave without making sure that they’re loved ones are okay? What if they don’t get better?

My favorite Kanye West lyric is, “If you admire somebody you should go ahead and tell ’em, people never get the flowers while they can still smell ’em.” Tell someone you love them, tomorrow isn’t promised. My grandparents aren’t immortal and I know that, I just haven’t accepted that I’ll eventually have to live my life without them.

Here’s to hoping tomorrow is a better day.

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